Coffee Tea....Not Me

Captain’s Log: CD #3

Not very far into the mission really. Only on Coffee Date # 3. We met at An Artful Cup. He was there ahead of me, already seated in the very back, the only customer there, with his cup of tea. He stood up, looking exactly like his photos and said, You must be Delilah (my real name, of course). I went to the counter and ordered my cup of coffee, (obligatory on a coffee date, don’t you think at least one of us must order coffee??) It was the longest couple of minutes while she made the latte. I felt like I should be conversing with Martin from across the room instead of just standing there. The first awkward moment of our soon to be short-lived relationship. In retrospect, that was probably when he decided that there would be no MATCH. The coffee was served in one of those absurdly large cups with saucer. I had to take a deep breath and talk myself into confidently walking across the room to our table without dropping or spilling the coffee (I was literally shaking from nervousness). Martin was nice and obviously intelligent. He asked questions, gave thoughtful answers, and he had a charming smile with accompanying twinkle in his eye. He has six (yes six) years of online dating experience to talk about and I did appreciate his perspective. I found him interesting and attractive enough that I would have been willing to go out with him. However, he announced a little over an hour into the CD, that he did not think there was any point in going any further. He emphasized that I was a charming and intelligent woman but that the ‘match’ just wasn’t there. He also was very careful to tell me that I should not take it personally and wished me luck in my search. I thanked him for his honesty and also wished him well in his search. I was not upset, just kind of shocked at how abrupt the man was – he must have a very detailed idea of the woman he has in mind.

I like to think about what others have to say and Martin had some interesting observations about life. He said that people like us (assuming that he is talking about intelligent, well-educated, liberal ? not quite sure how to put into words what he meant by ‘people like us’) are statistically less likely to find someone because we are out of the ordinary or ‘not average’ If you are average – statistically your chances are better of finding someone because there are more of you! You get the picture. I think he admitted that being too introspective can be a hindrance – that it is good to counter introspection with simple activities and getting joy out of simple maybe even mindless pleasures. He also talked about how sometimes it is better not to know all of the details and that once you know the details, you can’t undo that knowledge.

On my drive home, I vowed not to invest too much in these coffee dates. What I mean by that is that I won’t spend a lot of time getting ready and will try not to let my heart or mind get ahead of me. Does that sound cynical? I don’t feel that way – I will look forward to meeting each man and looking for the good and positive in him. If there is mutual interest that would be great. If not, it’s back to the drawing boards – nothing ventured, nothing gained. I also shed a small tear on the way home. It was not for Martin though rather a tug in my heart over my feelings for Sam. Looking forward to the rest of my week-end.