what doesn't kill us makes us stronger

It seems that life is always teaching me about perspectives. Part of that is just age, if you are not asleep at the wheel, aren't you bound to gain some perspective on life?

The words of a friend ring in my ears, Remember that your Aunt's actions are often the actions of the disease, and not of the person she once was. That seems simple enough but when faced with unbelievably inexplicable behavior, I can take some peace in these words. She also says, Don't argue with an Alzheimer's patient. You will never win the argument.

Two weeks ago, we had some high drama. One of my cats disappeared and after looking for a couple of hours, I noticed him high up in a tree. VERY HIGH. This is no kitten but a 14-pounder. We coaxed and pleaded and worried about him - to no avail. My Aunt set up a folding chair under the tree with the idea that she could convince him to jump and she would catch him. (remember, it's the disease and don't argue!) I had a meeting at work that required my presence and thinking that worry wouldn't help - he'll come down on his own - I left my Aunt stationed under the tree. I called at about noon to check on things -(answering the phone took months to teach my Aunt). She told me simply that the cat had decided to come down.
Naively, I relaxed and stayed at work until 5 p.m. When I got home, my Aunt really didn't even remember the tree incident. The cat was nowhere to be found. I called for him and looked and looked - no sign. As I was cleaning the kitchen, I noticed blood in the sink - which my Aunt couldn't explain. I was really worried - as you might imagine. Then at about 9:30, the cat appeared at my side with a badly mangled foot. I called my vet who asked me a bunch of questions and determined that it could wait until morning. The nearby after-hours vet had told me he was too busy to see another patient. Anyway, the result was a kitty who had to have one toe amputated. He seemed subdued but recuperated quite nicely. As my son said,
You will never know what really happened since you decided to go to work!


Then on to phase 2.... The vet gave me the go ahead to take off the bandage in 4-6 days. The stitches were the dissolving kind. My Aunt seemed strangely focused on wanting to remove the bandage. One morning, on day 5 she got the scissors out and told me she thought she would take off the kitty's bandage. I took over and removed it myself right away! The foot seemed shrunken and smaller (duh!) but otherwise good. When I came home from work, the cat greeted me at the door - not his usual behavior. His foot seemed very sore and inflamed. He was clearly in pain. I assumed another trip to the vet was in order, especially since my Aunt told me there were some black threads that needed to be removed from his foot. OMG It didn't look like she had removed them but something didn't seem quite right.
(words echoing in my head - you will never know what happened because you went to work...) But by morning, the kitty seemed vastly improved, begging me for canned food as usual. And he has continued to get better and is now treating his 'bum' foot almost like normal. My Aunt mentioned that she HAD removed some of those black threads - no matter how many times I told her that they didn't need to be removed, the disease wouldn't let her believe it. My sister gave my kitty the new nickname, the amputee!

I guess both the amputee and I are stronger for the experience!
Taking on a little more responsibility at work? - piece of cake!

hard cold reality

dreaming of the south of France!

Time seems to move both at warp speed and painfully slow. I feel on the verge of some kind of break through in life as if I could be getting a handle on care taking someone with Alzheimer's. But then my Aunt throws me a curve ball and I muddle through some kind of adjustment. We joke that my Aunt is in her second childhood but make no mistake, there are many differences. When you explain something to a child, there is some expectation that they will remember some of it. With an Alzheimer's patient, that expectation can often be wishful thinking. I have tons of patience and I couldn't survive without it. You really can't reason with someone who has Alzheimer's either; they have their own unique way of looking at things.

Stubborn might be the perfect way to label my Aunt.

Tonight we had a 'discussion' of what she needs to do about being an organ donor. Recently, when we got her a new state issued I.D., she expressed a desire to be an organ donor. I told her that informing me and having the signed document indicating her preference to be an organ donor was all she needed to do. She spoke of it over and over. Questions, What condition are my organs in? Which ones are suitable for use by someone else? What illnesses have I had over the years that would exclude certain organs for use by someone else??

~OMG~

I kept telling her that they would check any of her organs before use for their suitability AFTER she dies. I had to tell her all of these things at least six times before she moved on to some other concern.

If there are bonus points to be earned in this universe for patience, I am building up a sizable account. But I think I do need to go to caregivers school!

where in the world have I been?

I haven't even looked at my blog in almost four months! So I had no idea that I had left a snowman in charge. Yikes! We have had a light summer (cool and rainy) and now a touch of fall is definitely in the air. Where has the time gone?

On May 10th, Mother's Day, I finally managed to get my Aunt on a plane and we both began a new chapter in our lives. It has been and continues to be an eye-opening experience. Learning how to live with and manage a person with Alzheimer's is....well...it is probably good that I have a ton of patience AND I blundered ahead without thinking too much about the consequences of my actions! She is a very interesting person and a force to be reckoned with. I am learning all kinds of things that I was not aware of starting with how things were done during the depression.

I haven't been away from home for even one night since the day she arrived but I am feeling like I might want to get away - maybe an overnight trip to Austin to see my favorite guitarist, Eric Johnson, play a concert with Alien Love Child.

Update to the update...

Last weekend, I managed to get away for one night. Lots of prep and some worry but away I went. Eric played very well, the night was gorgeous, the company very fine and it was fun to meet some EJ forum people. Austin is much bigger than I imagined and the environment was very beautiful. As a biologist/botanist, I would love to explore that Texas hill country.

new friend in the neighborhood

Winter, in the form of a large spring snowstorm, returned yesterday. The totals varied widely but over here on the west side of Denver, we received almost two feet of wet, HEAVY snow. I ran out yesterday morning before work and put down some fertilizer on the grass. I am so pleased with myself!! In any case, spring is going to positively ERUPT after this deluge of moisture.

For several years I have bemoaned the lack of snowmen that appear after each snowstorm. What are kids thinking these days? Or maybe I am just not paying attention. So today, I resolved to do my part. I discovered it isn't quite like riding a bicycle - you do forget. The snow was so heavy and I was so impatient to 'decorate' that I threw the snowman together and thoroughly enjoyed the search for eyes and nose and mouth. I had fun and managed to avoid most responsible activity - although I did do a little shoveling. When the sun returns tomorrow, I won't have much to do to get out of my drive-way. But I suspect my friend won't stick around long!

Appia Antica

It has been ages since I posted. There has been a long period of too much work, too much stress and now... I feel myself entering a period of appreciation and happiness for so many gifts that I experience. The big story is my trip to Paris and Rome. Getting to this point was a nightmare - in some ways I thought it would never come to pass. It reminds me of the time in my life when I was pregnant with my older son. No matter how hard I tried, I could not imagine what it would be like. Of course, all things come to pass!

I experienced so many very memorable moments and sights on my trip that it will take a long time to process the information. My son took me all over Paris and Rome and we had many adventures. I took lots of photographs and am now sorting and identifying where I actually went. The days all kind of run together, so my photos will be the link that ties it all together.

Without a doubt, my favorite thing was our visit to the Via Appia, Appia Antica or Appian Way. I was excited to see some Roman aqueducts and they didn't disappoint but the lesser anticipated Via Appia stole my heart. I am so glad that my son suggested we go there. The road is narrow and covered with ancient stone. Some of the stones are older than others. They are all a bit uneven but clearly worn smooth through the antiquity of use. Apparently the larger stones are the older ones. The sides of the road are tree-lined with areas open to fields and wildflowers and vibrant green grass. Other areas are lined with ancient high walls. There are villas, ancient and more recent, archaeological digs, parks, monuments. The list goes on. There was almost no traffic the day we were there (except for the sheep & goat herd that crossed the road followed by the slow-moving Rolls Royce). It was a Monday and many things are closed. But we found one open estate/park where we talked with the caretaker (being with someone fluent in the language is invaluable). The villa had suffered damage in WWII and when that owner repaired it, he incorporated many ancient artifacts into the walls. Further down the road, we saw another house that had done the same kind of thing.

There was a time when I was a child that I dreamed of being an archeologist. I am not disappointed that I became a biologist but this visit has stirred thoughts about what I want to be when I grow up this next time...

and so it goes...

couple talking at Obama Acceptance Speech, Denver 2008

Just a quick update. My Aunt definitely has a mind of her own even if it is diminished! She has refused a second time to come home with me. Now she says it would have been a good idea but it is too late now. So, my sister and I head to New York again this weekend to help settle anything that she wants. We are rather out of ideas since our overwhelming desire is not to force her into anything she doesn't want to do. The last thing would be to have her put someplace against her will. We are hoping some good ideas will present themselves to us. Or we will just struggle along and manage. It is not ideal but sometimes that is the way life is. It seems apparent to us that our society really doesn't do a very good job with end-of-life issues. We joke that this is a good education for us - now in our mid-late 50's (and beyond).

Other than that I toil away trying to get critical things done at work so that I will be free of them when I go to Paris to visit my son. We have decided to take a short trip to Rome while I am there. Why? Because I want to photograph some ancient Roman aqueducts. What else?

photo by mattta courtesy of flickr

life changes

Between work, the situation with my Aunt in New York City AND my new camera :), I have had little time to blog. But I have a feeling things are about to change - just possibly in a major way.

I started this post over a week ago and it seems as if a lifetime has passed. I just returned from a quick trip to NYC and am back in the overworked workload condition at my office. I need to be focused and productive.
I need to be sleeping :)

I had intended to bring my Aunt back to stay with me but she had other ideas. She is at that place in life when independence is a fragile condition. Just two days after leaving her, she is now ready to leave her apartment in Manhattan and come to stay here. Is it a visit? Is it forever? She has some form of dementia but not so much that the Aunt I have known since birth is gone. She is still there. She has a group of 12 nieces and nephews who are working together to find the best options for her. I am looking forward to giving her some TLC but I am a bit apprehensive about just what I am getting myself into....