Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Embrace - Celebrate - I Want More

I have not been hiking up Green Mountain to greet the sunrise in quite a few days, maybe it has been over a week or two. I have let the steam rising off of emotional soup fog my vision. I have learned so much and experienced a lifetime of joy in the last few months and know that the universe will give you whatever you ask for and yet why does it seem easier to ask for pain? Three mantras have taken root in my soul and yet sometimes I let them so easily fall away that I have to look them up in my written diary to remember what they say. I embrace, I celebrate and I want more!

The change to standard time made it a little easier to rise this morning. I put on my warm clothes and set off at about 5:50 a.m. My body has gotten lazy and out of shape. It feels as if I am carrying around a hundred extra pounds. But still it felt good to be out. I made it partway up the steep eastern section of trail before the official sunrise broke the horizon. Normally, I face the sun and start deep breathing, going into a meditative state. My breathing is noticeably shallower than usual. But the energy from the sun was such a boost that I could immediately turn back up the trail with energy and raised spirits. I felt like an addict getting a fix, alternating between doses of sun energy and spurts of hiking energy. After a few of these cycles, I made it to the rock-strewn level by the tower. Here I turned and faced the sun again and was able to take in even more energy. I had not realized how drained of energy my spirit was – I’ve really been running on empty. When I got to the top, I stood on my rock and faced the sun again. I can quickly empty my mind even with the wind and the sound of the traffic way far below. With just a little deep breathing and some concentration, I am transported into a different realm. It is hard to come back to the here and now – I like being in that calm place looking out. I receive the sun’s gift and watch it turn into bright gold swirling light in my mind’s eye. I didn’t feel that I had it in surplus – so couldn’t really send any to my friends this morning as I usually do. But when I turned to face west - Sam – the lighting and clarity was…so fine… that it took my breath away. The hogback, front range and the newly snow-covered continental divide looked the most beautiful that I have ever seen them. I didn’t really feel anything about Sam, I just felt and appreciated the awesome view in front of my eyes. In the recent past, I have always felt that in looking west, I was looking to him - but for the first time, thoughts of him were replaced by other feelings. I think that is progress. I really feel that mother nature takes care of me – and is always guiding me in the right direction. I felt, (even Sam felt) that there was some strange alignment of the planets that brought us together and now mother nature is helping to steer me in another direction – on to different experiences – with just as much potential for joy and bliss – if I choose. I’d be crazy not to choose – I embrace, I celebrate and I want more!


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